#honestly this made me cackle

[misc-obeyme]

Hang on, I got it.

*throws crockpots filled with Solomon’s chemical warfare cooking into the sea of rats which causes them to grow twice as large and gain muscles*

…oh, I might’ve made the problem worse. Take care, heh… *leaves swiftly*🚶🧳

HEY!

I mean okay I would've thought that could potentially help, but the outcomes are too unpredictable...

Th-thanks for your help???

[caniruineverything]

love that one mbav episode that reveals the gangs biggest fears. sarah fears herself without a conscience, ethan fears being abandoned by those he cares about, and benny fears. . . a robot dentist.

[kingofsalmonids]

ATTENTION ALL SALMON:

BIG JERRY IS IN THE HOUSE

[bookloverturnedfangirl]

Fourth Wing Spoiler!!

It going from “Stay the hell away from Xaden Riorson.” “He will kill you the second he finds out who you are,” to him finding out who she is in the next five pages.

[theirondragonrants]

just read the update. rhaenyra getting turned on by alicent being hysterical over wedding prep is so funny and so real. neurotic alicent is the best

When the love of your life has been a slightly neurotic and completely anxious bean from the word go, there's only one way to go when that spirit possesses her and it is HORNY. (And endeared, but mainly horny).

[queer-crusader]

Shout-out to the best bookmark I've ever gotten on a fic of mine

(name whited out just in case)

[karlachismylife]

Just read the news that Jude fucking Law is gonna play P*tin in a new movie

And since I have watched probably 70% of Law's filmography and am yet to find a single movie that has Jude Law and does NOT have homoerotic undertones as subtle as a tank ramming into a circus's gate* in it.

I can't wait.

*also yes this happened in Russia, 24.06.23. Well it didn't ram anything, it just got stuck. They now have a memorial there, if I'm not mistaken.

[ratgirlexe]

It's eventually going to be one hell of a flashbang to the exactly 2 people on Ao3 who have subscribed to my account for cute HDG stories when I post chapter 3 of A Little Voice.

Somehow I don't think the folks who've followed me for cute stories about finding love after a life of hardship are going to vibe as much with the pretty hardcore snuff-edging Coquette Dragoon fic.

[neverburied]

@espres0s + send me a   “ 🐆 ”   and i’ll randomize our muse lists and suggest a few random pairings for us to try out. 

Allison McRoberts ( kevin can fuck himself ) + Lip Gallagher -------- ( if you haven't watched the show , u should -- everytime it cuts to the dramatic side it reminds me VERY much of shameless. alli is an abused housewife that wants to get out of it by killing her husband <3 andfjsk )

Allison Hargreeves ( the umbrella academy ) + Natalia Romanov ------ ( so very easy to throw alli into marvel. she can say ' i heard a rumor ' & mind control people. she uses it to become a world famous actress. )

Gretchen Weiners ( mean girls ) + wednesday addams ------ ( it's giving Wenclair. )

Mary Alice Brandon / Alice Cullen ( twilight ) + Joe Goldberg ------ ( pretty vampire girl that would be nice to him. she can see the future so maybe she sees him go psycho & is like oh i can fix that )

Regina George ( mean girls ) + Wednesday Addams ------ ( enemies to lovers af )

Peggy Carter + Ransom Drysdale ------- ( she would hate him. but . . . faceclaims. asfdjkn )

Theo Crain ( haunting of hill house ) + Phoebe Buffay ----- ( i don't know that theo would love her , but . . . she's a lesbian that , if she touches you without her gloves , can feel your trauma. so she'd see through phoebe's like really bubbly stuff and be like oh you're traumatized )

Theo Engler ( you ) + Lip Gallagher ------ ( neglected and love starved boy needs friend or not sociopathic lover )

Love Quinn ( you ) + Lip Gallagher ----- ( on the other hand does lip want a crazy girlfriend ? )

Neal Cassidy / Baelfire ( once upon a time ) + Phoebe Buffay ----- ( he's technically a runaway from another dimension + neverland , but in our world he's just a homeless thief that sleeps in cars and steals stuff so he'd get along with her swimmingly asdnfk )

Lucy Whitmore ( 50 first dates ) + Luke Brandon ----- ( listen. i will slide u $20 to write anyone with lucy. she had a traumatic brain injury that causes her memory to reset every day so she forgets everything & thinks it's the same day prior to the accident. the basis is always that someone meets her and figures out she doesn't remember them the next day and they decide to stick around to try and help somehow. usually ends in psychological horror bc she never gets better anjdskfn )

David Nolan / Prince Charming ( once upon a time ) + Fiona Gallagher ------- ( tech from another dimension , but in our world he's a guy that was in a coma & woke up with amnesia , then just works at a vet clinic. he's a really good dad. )

Jamie Wellerstein ( the last five years ) + Love Quinn ----- ( charming guy originally , then he grows discontent with his relationship to become selfish & a chronic cheater. she'd destroy him. )

Rachel Chu ( crazy rich asians ) + Luke Brandon ----- ( i think any of my cra muses would be really cool with him actually ? rachel's a professor. real sweet and timid at first. nick young is rich ceo's son that pretends he's not that bc he doesn't want to be that. astrid leong is nick's cousin that is rich and famous and so very gentle and sweet -- she hides her purchases from her regular-guy husband so he doesn't feel emasculated and often works for charities and is just generally sweet , but she does enjoy her money and being a business woman. )

Charlie Morningstar ( hazbin hotel ) + Morticia Addams ----- ( daughter of lucifer / princess of hell. she would be at morticia's feet najsdfk. she's very very bubbly and is trying to get sinners redeemed by rehabilitation so they can go to heaven , so they are very different in terms of morals ?? but like. opposites attract jansdfk )

Olivia Crain ( haunting of hill house ) + Luke Brandon ---- ( nice lady that gets these migraines where she can see visions of the past / ghosts but she doesn't know that's what she's seeing. she likes to flip houses and wants to be an architect ! )

Love Quinn + Guinevere Beck ----- ( swap joe. make it worse. )

Love Quinn + Randsom Drysdale -------- ( rich girlfriend he can scam and then get killed by ? )

Coriolanus Snow + Rachel Greene ------ ( capitol wife he doesn't care about but pretends to be in love with. )

Jennifer Check + Love Quinn ------ ( boi howdy )

Rebecca Bunch ( crazy ex girlfriend ) + Luke Brandon ------ ( just a bpd girlie that stalks her ex across the country <3 she's actually chill once she's medicated. )

Rebecca Bunch + Joe Goldberg / Love Quinn ----- ( bpd stalker vs bpd stalker )

[macabr3-barbi3]

this user on ao3 is always SO SO SO sweet and their most recent comment is cracking me tf up and I wanted to share, VIBROVANCE IF YOU'RE OUT THERE I LOVE YOU LMAO

here is the fic they commented on!

[marigoldbaker]

watched the first episode of english teacher. enthralled

[sturnioloshacker]

i feel like yo coochie tastes like strawberries and creme creme savers ~ your secret admirer

i have a secret admirer who thinks my cooch tastes like strawberries & creme savers… nice

[18catsreading]

Gilear is rolling for his future father-in-law's blessing to propose. Come on Gilear!!

Oh nooo it was a nat 1 lmfao

[boycritter]

this is the funniest fucking book ive ever read

[hollowflight-propaganda]

No Among Us Babys

This is me with you rn

I KNOW IT'S YOU @braincloggedwithcats!!!!!!!!!!!

[tomatoberry4]

☤

a memory of death/loss

"You did good."

Teddiursa claps Blackout's shoulder. She doesn't respond, doesn't move.

She stares ahead at three unmarked graves, clutching a bouquet of flowers with a white-knuckle grip.

Teddiursa sighs. Blackout finally looks up at the older woman.

"You can't feel bad about these kinds of things," Teddiursa says, sounding almost impatient. She pinches the bridge of her nose. "This may be your first time, alright, but if you want to get anywhere here, it won't be your last. Now go leave your flowers." She makes a hurrying gesture. "Come on. Before anyone sees and gets the wrong idea."

Blackout steps forward, weak in the knees, and places down the flowers meticulously. A rose for Molt, a sunflower for Zap, and a blue hydrangea for Arctic.

"I never liked those clowns," Teddiursa grumbles, swiveling her head around to both watch Blackout and keep an eye out for anyone coming by, because Arceus forbid Blackout show remorse. "Stupid ass names, stupid ass gimmick, and they were annoying as hell. It was only a matter of time. If it weren't you, Momo would've fetched someone else."

She grins, no love or joy in her sharp canines. "I thought you were an adult now, anyways. Not a big girl after-?"

Blackout shoves her as she walks back up to and past her. "Shut up," she says. "I don't give a fuck."

Teddiursa snorts but follows the girl. "You will need to develop a stomach for this, or you won't get much farther."

Overtime, as Blackout turned older, got smarter, she would understand why she had to do what she did, and she would begin to develop the same love for hurting others her peers had.

She would never be able to get over the feeling of dirty hands, though.